HelloxFascinationx

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KingBatty

Paulika92

BloodStainedKid

BreakthroughDesigns

Watching 6

Paulika92

heroicseniorofficer

BloodStainedKid

lyrusa

Aushou

BreakthroughDesigns

loathing by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

loathing

Fuck this, a ghost of myself just drifting through life and I-- I don't understand why-- why-- I can't just live. I have to go and fuck myself in every single thing I attempt-- For once it had promise and I missed out I will miss out and I-- I resign-- I can't do this. I don't deserve the good-- I can't do this right... Even if it turns around I won't have earned it-- I won't-- won't-- can't-- earn this. I need a no more now than ever-- I have to hate myself for this-- I have to loathe myself for this-- I have to die in any way for this-- A ghost lingering in the good remnants of what I was-- But-- I am born aga

Why I Don't Regret Smoking by Aushou, journal

Why I Don't Regret Smoking

Jan 30, 2012

This academic year, I began the fascinating journey of change and self-discovery that is college. And as part of this experience, I adopted smoking as a fairly regular habit. Not of cigarettes, but mainly a delicious and little known arabic tobacco called dokha (DOE - ha). When I started, it wasn't for any of the reasons I've grown to appreciate now. I started because a friend introduced me to it, it was full of various complex flavours, and induced a buzz, a laf raas, that I found pleasant and relaxing. But as I embraced the indulgence, I started experiencing something I would've never expected when I started smoking, a social aspect unlike

Drowning by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Drowning

And this is where I'm lost-- I knew I could do it but but now I blew it what have I gone and done in millions of dreams millions of waking nightmares I just kill-- kill-- and die. I die a thousand different deaths for every mistake that I imagine through to the end for in my mind I can't do this right no matter what I can't do this right. At all-- but I know I will somehow-- I'm lost in the thoughts I have I can't escape the web I weave it more with each conscious thought-- and unconscious I can't leave myself behind follow myself in the labyrinth of dark cities twisted overgrowing over me leave only shadow only despair on

About HelloxFascinationx

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Artist // Student // Photography

Feb 8
United States
Deviant for 12 years
www.flickr.com/photos/59971147@N04/
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

Aspiring photographer. Mostly digital, but fading back into antiques and film. TLR 120mm is my favorite format. I also am delving back into my poetry days and will post old poetry as well as the new poetry life faces me with every day to write about.

I am an undergrad student at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and studying a dual major of Computer Science and Electronic Media Arts & Communication.

old blog: helloxfascination.wordpress.co…

Favourite Movies

The Prestige, Inception, Memento, LOTR, Tangled

Favourite TV Shows

LOST, Chuck

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

All Time Low, Breathe Carolina, We Came As Romans, Asking Alexandria, Three Days Grace, fun., I See Stars, The Used, Escape the Fate, Sleeping With Sirens, Crystal Castles, ...

Favourite Games

Minecraft, Tekken, Super Smash Bros Melee, MVC, Rockband

Favourite Gaming Platform

Other Interests

photography, poetry

Posts

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HelloxFascinationx

Apr 17, 2012

returning

0 min read

my clothes dampen. my cheeks glitter as water drips down my fragile... i can't explain this. i just can't. can't what? can't hold back anymore? no, can't give in? wait, i can't, can't describe the hurt, ache, longing, where is this coming from? eyes dry with nothing left to shed, to take away the pain. for it all lies beneath me. was it all lies? lies i told to myself? i believe so, but i can't explain this. i'm lying to myself now. again. it returns, i can't go back. eyes flooding with realization hate love fear change what if misunderstanding. peace. tears puddle at my feet, i stare into the cluster of pain congr

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HelloxFascinationx

Apr 3, 2012

unknown wonder

0 min read

heartbeat racing pupils dialating coursing through my veins the greatest sensation youth so naive brainwashed by drug abuse. hallucinating pleasure can't help but wonder why why, what lead me to this? yet why hadn't i known of this beautiful decompostion of self floating fading forgetting uniting. this is what i feel. though not fully understanding who iv'e grown to be but all that is lost, irrelevant. i am inescapably engulfed by sweet tormenting sin.

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HelloxFascinationx

Mar 5, 2012

anonymous

0 min read

i am surrounded. there is no escape. restrained by the same unjustice relinquishing my rights to live. to become anonymous. to do nothing for this world. to be conspicuous where all strive to be the same. be alone. be eccentric and inconspicuous; a no one. then they may recall your name. i am suffocating under legislation where our right is wrong. reprimanded  for acts of determination to be a nothing--not a someone. always at fault. no room for creation, only destruction. i am guarded by arms, fighting off individuality a generation has long forgotten to become a someone. a someone who is no one in our eyes. should be